.A man is walking down the beach and comes across an old bottle. He picks it up, pulls out the cork and out pops a genie. The genie says "Thank you for freeing me from the bottle. In return I will grant you three wishes."
The man says "Great. I always dreamed of this and I know exactly what I want. First, I want 1 Billion dollars in a Swiss bank account."
Phoof! There is a flash of light and a piece of paper with account numbers appears in his hand. He continues, "Next, I want a brand new red Ferrari right here."
Phoof! There is a flash of light and abright red brand-new Ferrari appears right next to him. He continues, "Finally, I want to be irresistible to women."
Phoof! There is a flash of light and he turns into a box of chocolates.

:b D

.For the Star Wars fans out there...

A Long time Ago, in a Galaxy far, far away..
-Luke: "You used to program."
-Ben: "I was once a software engineer the same as your father."

-Luke: "My father wasn't a software engineer. He was a custodian at Lockheed-Martin."
-Ben: "That's what your Uncle told you. He didn't hold with your father's ideals. He thought he should go to work. Not get a degree."

-Luke: "I wish I had known him."
-Ben: "He was a cunning object-oriented analyst, and the best systems programmer in the galaxy. I understand you've become quite a good hacker yourself. And he was a good friend. For over ten years the systems programmers created user interfaces. Before the dark times. Before Microsoft."

-Luke: "How did my father die?"
-Ben: "A young systems programmer named Bill Gates, who was a student until his mommy kicked him out of her basement, founded Microsoft and helped destroy the intuitive user interface. He betrayed and murdered the Macintosh. Gates was seduced by the Dark Side of Money."

-Luke: "Money?"
-Ben: "Yes, Money is what gives a programmer his resources. It's an exchange system created by human beings. It surrounds us. Works for us. Binds the economy together. Which reminds me. Your father wanted you to have this when you were old enough, but your Uncle wouldn't allow it. He thought you'd follow old Obi-Wan on some damn idealistic crusade."

-Luke: "What is it?"
-Ben: "It's an object modeling tool. The weapon of a systems programmer. Not as random or clumsy as a lexical parser. An elegant compiler for a more civilized age."

1.The large family
Max was talking to Louie. “Did you know that I’m one of 18 children?”
Louie said, “No, I didn’t. Why do you think your parents had so many children?”
Max replies, “The problem was that my mum was hard of hearing. When mum and dad went to bed each night, dad would ask, “Do you want to go to sleep, or what?”
And mum would say, “What?”

2.The heat wave
One hot summer’s day in Golders Green, Jack Gold steps out of his shower and says to his wife, Hette, “It’s just too hot to wear any clothes today, honey. What do you think the neighbours would say if I mowed the lawn without anything on?”
Hette replies, “That I married you for your money.”

3.The lesson
Mr. Henry, the maths teacher, enters the classroom. The students are playing around after the bell. They are not in their seats. Mr. Henry decides to teach them a lesson.
He calls, "Ivan, name a two-digit number."
Ivan responds, "56."
Mr. Henry, "Why not 65? Sit down, you have a D minus. Peter, name a two-digit number."
Peter responds, "18."
Mr. Henry responds, "Why not 81? A D minus for you, too. Moishe, name a two-digit number."
Moishe responds "33."
Mr. Henry replies, "Why not.... Moishe! Stop these Jewish tricks at once!"

4.Advice
Morris says to his teenage daughter “There are two words I’d like you to drop from your vocabulary. One is ‘awesome’ and the other is ‘gross’.”
“Okay,” she replies, “what are they?”

5.Half Full or Half Empty?

To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

6.New Lyrics to Beatles Song - "Yesterday" :
-Yesterday,
All those backups seemed a waste of pay.
Now my database has gone away.
Oh I believe in yesterday.

Suddenly,
There's not half the files there used to be.
And there's a milestone hanging over me.
The system crashed, so suddenly.

I pushed something wrong,
What it was, I could not say.
Now all my data's gone,
And I long for yesterday-ay-ay-ay.

Yesterday,
the need for back-ups seemed so far away.
I knew my data was all here to stay,
Now I believe in yesterday.