After watching that imbecile on TV who claims to know what common household pets are thinking, it was decided that we too, would do the impossible...:

.Dog "They keep putting the lid down on the big water bowl."

.Goldfish "Just because I have a three-second memory, they don't think I'll mind eating the same fish flakes over and over............... Oh boy! Fish flakes!"

.Dog "Man, why do they keep rubbing my nose in it? I already KNOW whose it is!"

.Goldfish "The knight never comes out of the castle to fight me for dominion over the fish tank. So I must continue patrolling, for I am lord and master!"

.Parrot "Tease, tease, tease! But do those greedy clowns ever really give me a cracker? HELL NO!"

.Cat "Why are these people in my house?"

.Dog "I don't care if you take the jewelry or money, but don't mess with the fridge."

.Goldfish "Oh, tap-tap-tap! There's a new one!"

.Dog "The 'pretending to throw a stick' game is getting old, but I seem unable to stop myself from looking for it."

.Cat "Why did they put this service bell on my neck if they're not going to answer to it."

.Dog "Why is the baby eating my food..."

.Hamster "Kill me, this wheel is boring."

:P

.A cursory review of French military history reveals the following:

.1 - Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2,000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.
.2 - Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by a female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare: "French armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."
.3 - Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.
.4 - Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots.
.5 - Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant but still manages to get invaded. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.
.6 - War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as
chapeaux.
.7 - The Dutch War - Tied. Dutch farmers and tulip growers are tougher than they look.
.8 - War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Francophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.
.9 - War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.
.10 - American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; " France only wins when America does most of the fighting."
.11 - French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.
.12 - The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for the Russian winter, Prussian grenadiers or a British footwear designer.
.13 - The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. For the first, but certainly not the last time, Germany plays the role of drunk frat boy to France 's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.
.14 - World War I - Invaded, humiliated and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Winds up a tie for les francaise. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein."
.15 - World War II - A decisive defeat even by French standards. Hitler and the German Youth spend Christmas time sleeping soundly through the winter, then arouse themselves to conquer France in six weeks. Hitler dances in front of the Eiffel Tower, while the French command staff retreats to Algeria to institute a crash language program to teach French privates how to say "I surrender" in German and French generals to say "We surrender" in German. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song and some small portion of the German work ethic. De Gaulle of it all...
.16 - First Vietnamese war (in Vietnamese circles, known as "the scrimmage", or "the exhibition game" where the varsity squad is kept on the sideline to see how the second string will play) - Lost. French soldiers, fresh off their four year occupation by the Germans, catch a terminal case of Dien Bien Flu.
.17 - Algerian rebellion - Lost. First time an Arab army has beaten a Western army since the Crusades, and produces the first rule of modern Islamic warfare: "We can always beat the French." A nice phrase, but it lacks something in originality, since it is also the first rule of warfare for the Italians, Russians, Prussians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese, Native Americans and capitalists.
.18 - War on Terrorism - Lost. Incensed at not being included in the
original "Axis of Evil," France refuses to participate. When it becomes clear that this is a "no-kidding war," Jacques Chirac looks at his cards and immediately surrenders to that old warhorse, Gerhard Schroeder. For good measure, he also surrenders to five million illegal immigrants from Algeria.

....The moral of the story is - give thanks to God on high that the French are not helping us!

"The secret of making something work in your lives is, first of all, the deep desire to make it work:
then the Faith and Belief that it can work:
then to hold that clear definite vision in your consciousness and see it working out step by step, without one thought of doubt or disbelief."
by E.Caddy

1)Nuns Bicycling:
Two nuns are bicycling down a cobblestone street.
The first one says to the other "I haven't come this way before."
The second one replies "I know. It's the cobbles."

2)A Rabbi and a Priest:
A rabbi and a priest get into a car accident and it's a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but, amazingly, neither of the clerics is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, "So you're a priest. I'm a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God. God must have meant that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days."
The priest replies, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God."
The rabbi continues, "And look at this. Here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of Mogen David wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then he hands the bottle to the priest.
The priest agrees, takes a few big swigs, and hands the bottle back to the rabbi. The rabbi takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap on, and hands it back to the priest. The priest asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The rabbi replies, "No...I think I'll wait for the police."

kk