"If You Love, Love Openly"

Twenty monks and one nun, who was named Eshun, were practicing meditation with a certain Zen master.

Eshun was very pretty even though her head was shaved and her dress plain. Several monks secretly fell in love with her. One of them wrote her a love letter, insisting upon a private meeting.

Eshun did not reply. The following day the master gave a lecture to the group, and when it was over, Eshun arose. Addressing the one who had written her, she said: "If you really love me so much, come and embrace me now."

1.Your dog will never divorce you and take your trailer.

2.Your wife can open the fridge and get you a beer.

3.Your dog don't care if you get drunk and pass out in the back yard.

4.Your wife can cook.

5.Your dog can hunt better.

6.Your wife can turn the channel when the remote control battery dies.

7.Your dog won't bug you to fix the toilet every hour on the hour.

8.Your wife can run to the store to get more beer when your too drunk to move.

9.Your dog won't complain when you watch NASCAR all day.

10.Your wife can clean up after you and the dog.

11.Your dog thinks you're the coolest thing ever.

12.Your wife looks better in a negligee.

13.Your dog don't care if you suck face with a different woman each weekend.

14.Your wife can pop the Zits on your back.

15.Your Dog doesn't insist that you own a mini van instead of a truck.

16.Your wife can light her own farts.

17.Your dog don't care if you scratch and fondle yourself.

18.Your wife can change the oil in your truck.

19.Your dog don't complain when you kiss it with beer breath.

20.Your dog thinks it's normal to lay around naked with your legs spread to cool things off on a hot day.

21.Your dog loves it when you through your socks here and there.

22.Your dog never nags to mow the lawn.

23.Your dog always believes the floor is clean enough to eat off of.

24.A dog will never stab you in the back.

25.Dogs will alway sniff your butt when you pass gas.

26.Your dog doesn't care if you kick it out of bed and onto the floor in
the middle of the night.

27.A dog will never do a "Lorena Bobbitt" on you.

28.A dog will love you, no matter how unlovable you are.

29.A dog obey your commands. You could never get your wife to do this.

30.A dog won't try and draw clothes on the female models in your truck magazines.

31.You don't have to play 20 questions with the dog to find out what's wrong with it, chances are it's hungry or it wants to go outside.

32.The dog will help you get attention from women.

33.A dog don't nag you to stop and ask questions or directions when on a trip.

34.A dog will sleep out in the yard so you can have the house all to your self.

35.A dog don't care how many buddies you have over for poker.

36.A dog doesn't want your money every Friday when you get off work.

"HMMM..So far, I'm going with the dog." BUT :

You can love your dog, but you can't LOVE your dog...you need a wife for that.

Good point, but you can love yourself!

"Cyber~Geek Glossary":
1.Baud Rate : the rate your heart beat reaches as you impatiently wait for a web page to load.

2.Netgroup : a bunch of old bores endlessly discussing the weather.

3.Browser : a program which searches for the information you want but instead gives you a selection of pornography, advertisements and trivia.

4.Cookies : Files secretly planted on your P.C. as part of a computer master plan to take over the world.

5.Email : see junk mail.

6.Favorites : A massive list of long forgotten sites which once seemed crucially important.

7.Download : A technical term meaning theft and plagiarism.

8.Homepage : A glitzy, snazzy, brilliantly animated entrance to a completely dull, boring and pointless web site.

9.Local Area Network : The World Wide Web on a bad day.

10.Link : a connection which takes you from a useless site to a totally useless site.

11.Modem : a device which ties up your phone line for twenty four hours every day.

12.Snailmail : The use of trained molluscs to deliver letters.

13.Search Engine: A program which finds every web site except the one you lovingly created.

14.Servers : Powerful computers which conspire to keep you off the internet.

15.Web : A global collection of obsolete, inaccurate, worthless information.

16.Surf : The act of moving around the Web using links until you’ve completely forgotten what you were looking for in the first place.