"Girlfriend 1.0

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization where it monitors all other system activity.

Applications such as Poker-night 10.3 and Beer-bash 2.5 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I cannot seem to purge Wife 1.0 from my system. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 1.0 but uninstall does not work on this program. Can you help me?

Dear Sir,

This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT" program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 1.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 2.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than original system. Look in your manual under Warnings - Alimony / Child Support. I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation.

Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Protection Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur. The best course of action will be to push apologize button then reset button as soon as lock-up occurs. System will run smooth as long as you take the blame for all GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program but is very high maintenance."

.True! But at least a word like " SORRY " when we know we hurted someone doesn't seems so hard to say! Or is it? Unfortunatly people use 2say that do that, but when they hurt somebody i see that they don't do it.
.WHY? Is not a hard word to say!But seems so for most people isn't it?? Even 4those who says so much beautiful stuffs about people and world???? where's the word SORRY for those then?...Hugs2U ALL,Kiki

"The Voice of Happiness"

After Bankei had passed away, a blind man who lived near the master's temple told a friend: "Since I am blind, I cannot watch a person's face, so I must judge his character by the sound of his voice. Ordinarily when I hear someone congratulate another upon his happiness or success, I also hear a secret tone of envy. When condolence is expressed for the misfortune of another, I hear pleasure and satisfaction, as if the one condoling was really glad there was something left to gain in his own world.

"In all my experience, however, Bankei's voice was always sincere. Whenever he expressed happiness, I heard nothing but happiness, and whenever he expressed sorrow, sorrow was all I heard."

Well,I love this story cz on all societies or Humankind this really happens with almost persons, is sad BUT true! However i truly believe that still are TRUE Congratulations upon others success or happiness, as TRUE Condolences...maybe i'm a dreamer , hugs2u,KK

.Zen, Buddha, Lao Tzu:

I'm not a follower of none, but as like to read Europeans ones i also like to read them! All are very wise, with such wisdom and points of view from life so beautiful and amazing that they really gives us peace of mind meditating about it or reading them or their wise stories who teachs a LOT! well, one more book amomg millions i use 2read,lol,hugs,kiki

NOT me..the author of each one is next his own quote about children. Amazing...HUH?,So:

.10 commandments:
The Ten Commandments display was recently removed from the Alabama Supreme
Court building. There was a good reason for the move. You can't post

Thou Shalt Not Steal,
Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery,
and Thou Shall Not Lie

in a building full of lawyers and politicians without creating a hostile
work environment. D

What it REALLY REALLY Means

"We're going to be late," REALLY MEANS, "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard, "REALLY MEANS, "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"That's interesting, dear," REALLY MEANS, "Are you still talking?"

"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love, REALLY MEANS, "I forgot our anniversary again."

"You expect too much of me," REALLY MEANS, "You want me to stay awake?"

"It's really a good movie," REALLY MEANS, "It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and good looking women."

"You know how bad my memory is," REALLY MEANS, "I remember the words to the theme song of "F Troop", the address of the first girl I kissed, the Vehicle Identification Number of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself. It's no big deal," REALLY MEANS, "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."

"I do help around the house," REALLY MEANS, "I once threw a dirty towel near the laundry basket." D
..................................................................

Hi dear Sudha:hahahaha, i loved this one and i posted it! u know me! lolol,thanks a lot:gr8 u remind me and my jokes hugs2U,KK

Here I go Again,by Whitesnake

I don't know where I'm goin
but I sure know where I've been
hanging on the promises in songs of yesterday.
An' I've made up my mind, I ain't wasting no more time
but here I go again, here I go again.

Tho' I keep searching for an answer
I never seem to find what I'm looking for.
Oh Lord, I pray you give me strength to carry on
'cos I know what it means to walk along the lonely street of dreams.

Here I go again on my own
goin' down the only road I've ever known.
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone.
An' I've made up my mind, I ain't wasting no more time.

Just another heart in need of rescue
waiting on love's sweet charity
an' I'm gonna hold on for the rest of my days
'cos I know what it means to walk along the lonely street of dreams.

Here I go again on my own
goin' down the only road I've ever known.
Like a hobo I was born to walk alone.
An' I've made up my mind, I ain't wasting no more time
but here I go again, here I go again,
here I go again, here I go.

An' I've made up my mind, I ain't wasting no more time.

Here I go again on my own
goin' down the only road I've ever known.
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone
'cos I know what it means to walk along the lonely street of dreams.

Here I go again on my own
goin' down the only road I've ever known.
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone.
An' I've made up my mind, I ain't wasting no more time
but here I go again, here I go again,
here I go again, here I go,
here I go again

.Nothing to say...just want him light'g my way always, as he does since mi sis. went into the silentland, so i want him here too cz he's an angel on earth! and i love him!kk

"5 Stages of Being Drunk"

.Stage 1) - SMART

This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known Universe.

You know everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen.

At this stage you are always RIGHT.

And of course the person you are talking to is very WRONG.

This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are SMART.

.Stage 2) - GOOD LOOKING

This is when you realise that you are the BEST LOOKING person in the entire bar and that people fancy you.

You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing they fancy you and really want to talk to you.

Bear in mind that you are still SMART, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun.

.Stage 3) - RICH

This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world.

You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have an armoured truck full of money parked behind the bar.

You can also make bets at this stage, because of course, you are still SMART, so naturally you will win all your bets.

It doesn't matter how much you bet 'cos you are RICH.

You will also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, because now you are the BEST LOOKING person in the world.

.Stage 4) - BULLET PROOF

You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone especially those with whom you have been betting or arguing.

This is because nothing can hurt you.

At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people who you fancy and challenge to a battle of wits or money.

You have no fear of losing this battle because you are SMART, you are RICH and hell, you're BETTER LOOKING than they are anyway!

.Stage 5) - INVISIBLE

This is the Final Stage of Drunkenness.

At this point you can do anything because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU. You dance on a table to impress the people who you fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you.

You are also invisible to the person who wants to fight you.

You can walk through the street singing at the top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you and because you're still SMART you know all the words.
.................................................................

Not personal experience and this is just a joke pls, hahaha ; but it makes me laughs cz i already saw this happen a lot! tc,kk

Revenge Is Sweet:

There once was an old couple who had been married for thirty years.

Every morning the old boy would wake up and give off an enormous fart, much to his long suffering wife's annoyance.

"You'll fart your guts out one of these days," she always complained.

After a particularly bad week the wife decided to have her revenge and got up early, placing some turkey giblets in the bed next to the old boy's arse.

While making breakfast downstairs she heard his usual morning fart reverberate through the floorboards followed by a scream.

Twenty minutes later a rather shaken man came downstairs.

"You was right all along Missus," the old man says, "I finally did fart my guts out, but by the grace of God, and these two fingers, I managed to push 'em back in!"

The Faith Healer

Two women were sitting in the doctor's waiting room comparing notes on their
various disorders.

"I want a baby more than anything in the world," said the first, "But I guess it is impossible."

"I used to feel just the same way," said the second. "But then everything changed. That's why I'm here. I'm going to have a baby in three months."

"You must tell me what you did."

"I went to a faith healer."

"But I've tried that. My husband and I
went to one for nearly a year and it didn't help a bit."

The other woman smiled and whispered, "Try going alone, next time, dearie."

Need Samples

An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man, "I need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample."

The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: "WHAT?"

"What did he say? What's he want?"

His wife yells back, "He needs your underwear."

A Message

my song is love
love to the loveless shown
and it goes up
you don't have to be alone

your heavy heart
is made of stone
and it's so hard to see you clearly
you don't have to be on your own
you don't have to be on your own

and i'm not gonna take it back
and i'm not gonna say i don't mean that
you're the target that i'm aiming at
and i get that message home

my song is love
my song is love unknown
and i'm on fire for you clearly
you don't have to be alone
you don't have to be on your own

and i'm not gonna take it back
and i'm not gonna say i don't mean that
you're the target that i'm aiming at
and i'm nothing on my own
got to get that message home

and i'm not gonna stand and wait
not gonna leave it until it's much too late
on a platform i'm gonna stand and say
that i'm nothing on my own
and i love you, please come home

my song is love, is love unknown
and i've got to get that message home

Load up on guns and bring your friends,
It's fun to lose and to pretend,
She's over-board and self-assured,
Oh no, I know a dirty word.

Hello, how low, hello, how low,
Hello, how low, hello, how low,
Hello, how low, hello, how low,
Hello, how low, hello.

With the lights out,
It's less dangerous,
Here we are now,
Entertain us,
I feel stupid and contagious,
Here we are now,
Entertain us.
An mulatto,
An albino,
A mosquito,
My libido.
Yeah.

I'm worst at what I do best,
And for this gift I feel blessed,
Our little group has always been,
And always will until the end.

Hello, how low, hello, how low,
Hello, how low, hello, how low,
Hello, how low, hello, how low,
Hello, how low, hello.

With the lights out,
It's less dangerous,
Here we are now,
Entertain us,
I feel stupid and contagious,
Here we are now,
Entertain us.
An mulatto,
An albino,
A mosquito,
My libido.
Yeah.

Bridge

And I forget just why I taste,
Oh yeah, I guess it makes me smile,
I found it hard, was hard to find,
Oh well, whatever, nevermind.

Hello, how low, hello, how low,
Hello, how low, hello, how low,
Hello, how low, hello, how low,
Hello, how low, hello.

With the lights out,
It's less dangerous,
Here we are now,
Entertain us,
I feel stupid and contagious,
Here we are now,
Entertain us.
An mulatto,
An albino,
A mosquito,
My libido.
Yeah, a denial,
A denial, a denial, a denial, a denial, a denial, a denial.

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need you
Tell you i set you apart

Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions
Oh let's go back to the start
Running in circles, coming up tails
Heads on a silence apart

Nobody said it was easy, it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start

I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling your puzzles apart
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart

Tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing our tails
Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy, Oh it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be so hard

I'm going back to the start

Ohhhhhh ouuuuu
Ahhhhhh ouuuuu
Ohhhhhh ouuuuu
Ohhhhhh ouuuuu

Fix You - Coldplay
When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
when you love some one but it goes to waste
could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.

Snoring Problems

A couple has a dog that snores. Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if she can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles and he will stop snoring. "Yeah, right," she says.

A few minutes after going to bed, the dog begins snoring as usual. The wife tosses and turns, unable to sleep. Muttering to herself, she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of ribbon and ties it carefully around the dog's testicles. Sure enough, the dog stops snoring. The woman is amazed!

Later that night, her husband returns home drunk from being out with his buddies. He climbs into bed, falls asleep, and begins snoring loudly. The woman thinks maybe the ribbon will work on him. So she goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of ribbon, and carefully ties it around her husband's testicles. Amazingly, it also works on him! The woman sleeps soundly.

The next morning, the husband wakes up hung over. He stumbles into the bathroom. As he stands in front of the toilet, he glances in the mirror and sees a blue ribbon attached to his privates. He is very confused, and as he walks back into the bedroom, he sees a red ribbon attached to his dog's testicles. He shakes his head and looks at the dog and says, "Boy, I don't remember where we were or what we did, but, it look like we got first and second place."

I must tell to those who doesn't know Voltaire, that he was so wise that he used to joke with words even being cynical or ironical at his time..A Great Man this one too as Budha; but Voltaite is French, so Europe also have/had great philosofers/minds! They are not only on others parts of the globe, so here are some from an european one as i'd posted from others places, as from asia like Budha, so: ...Voltaire and some small quotes:

1.Tears are the silent language of grief.
Voltaire

2.The ancient Romans built their greatest masterpieces of architecture, their amphitheaters, for wild beasts to fight in.
Voltaire

3.The art of government is to make two-thirds of a nation pay all it possibly can pay for the benefit of the other third.
Voltaire

4.The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease.
Voltaire

5.To hold a pen is to be at war.
Voltaire

6.To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered.
Voltaire

7.We are all full of weakness and errors; let us mutually pardon each other our follies - it is the first law of nature.
Voltaire

8.We are rarely proud when we are alone.
Voltaire

9..We have a natural right to make use of our pens as of our tongue, at our peril, risk and hazard.
Voltaire

10.We must distinguish between speaking to deceive and being silent to be reserved.
Voltaire

11.Weakness on both sides is, as we know, the motto of all quarrels.
Voltaire

12.What is tolerance? It is the consequence of humanity. We are all formed of frailty and error; let us pardon reciprocally each other's folly - that is the first law of nature.
Voltaire

13.What then do you call your soul? What idea have you of it? You cannot of yourselves, without revelation, admit the existence within you of anything but a power unknown to you of feeling and thinking.
Voltaire

14.When he to whom one speaks does not understand, and he who speaks himself does not understand, that is metaphysics.
Voltaire

15.When it is a question of money, everybody is of the same religion.
Voltaire

16.You see many stars at night in the sky but find them not when the sun rises; can you say that there are no stars in the heaven of day? So, O man! because you behold not God in the days of your ignorance, say not that there is no God.
Voltaire

17.Your destiny is that of a man, and your vows those of a god.
Voltaire

10 Reasons Not To Jog
1. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now & we don't know where the heck she is.

2. The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

3. I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.

4. I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

5. I don't exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up our body.

6. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

7. I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

8. The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

9. If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

10. I don't jog. It makes the ice jump right out of my glass.

OK, now i'm going..not jog hahaha, but work, maybe i'll post later Saturday,or Sunday, till then enjoy a lot, laugh, have joy on life, ciao kiki